Thoughts on the wild, the weird, and the romantic from author Joy Nash

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Joy Nash is a USA Today Bestselling Author and RITA Award Finalist applauded by Booklist for her "tart wit, superbly crafted characters, and sexy, magic-steeped plots."

» Friday, July 10, 2009

Eeeeeew!

Beware! Sometimes the creepiest things happen in your own back yard.

I found that out in a big way a couple days ago. I’m lounging on the back porch when I feel some kind of insect crawling/buzzing near my ear. Not thinking too much about it, I brush it away. What happened next was bizarre. Instead of flying off, the thing dashes RIGHT INTO MY EAR!

OMG! I slap at my ear and dig my finger in. The thing burrows in deeper. I jump up and shake my head like a crazy woman. I can feel the thing crawling around in my ear, and it is about the WORST THING EVER. I don’t even know what kind of bug it was! But it wasn’t any tiny little thing. A fat fly? Or…OMG - a YELLOW JACKET? OMG! How long before it stings me? Images of Star Trek: Wrath of Kahn explode in my brain. I know just how Chekov felt when Kahn’s slug thing slithered into his ear.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

I run inside the house screaming for my husband, who’s in the basement playing video games with the kids. He yells back for me wait a minute. Wait a minute? Wait a minute? While some alien bug burrows into my brain and takes over my thought processes? I can feel the thing wriggling. I’m clawing at my ear. “Wait a minute” suddenly sounds like grounds for divorce.

“No!” I scream. “I need you NOW!

My panic must have cut through the video game haze. The DH bounds up the steps, my son and daughter on his heels.

“I’ve got a bug in my ear! Get it out! Get it out now!”

I’m thinking DH will need tweezers, or will have to haul me to the emergency room, but luckily as soon as I stop clawing at my ear long enough for him to look, the bug decides that maybe this nice dark hole isn’t quite the safe haven it had supposed. It crawls out and drops onto the floor.

It’s a creepy skinny black beetle with pincers.

My hands are shaking, I can’t breathe, and my ear is bleeding from a gash inflicted by my fingernail. DH gallantly scoops up the monster and disposes of it. I gulp in a lung full of air and try to calm down. My son thinks this is the coolest thing. My daughter puts her hands over her ears and declares that she’s never going outside again in her entire life.

DH says he hopes the thing didn’t lay any eggs while it was in there.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

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11 Comments:

Blogger Pissenlit said...

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW!!!!!! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!

*SHUDDER*

*whimper*

2:03 PM  
Blogger Diane said...

I'll say Sorry right away, but I couldn't stop laughing as I was reading your blog, Sorry.
My dh had the same thing happen to him about ten years ago when he was cutting the grass and we did end up in the doctor's office since he swore up and down it was still in his ear; it wasn't, I had washed out his ear with water and even put drops n there and when the doctor checked it was fine and empty, but I laughed then too. I also want to thank you again for your book a Little Light Magic an keep writing, so many of us enjoy your books

8:38 PM  
Blogger Pam P said...

Omigosh, Joy. Did you swat your husband after when he made that comment about laying eggs? LOL.

I would've freaked too. This happened to someone in my family when I was young, a cousin I think, can't remember which one. It flew in and then finally back out in a few minutes.

10:58 PM  
Blogger librarypat said...

Not much is worse than having something crawl into your ear. When our daughter was 5 or 6,she had a black fly get into her ear. Those of you in the Northeast know how nasty they are. They are tiny flies and chew little chunks out of you. She came in screaming. It bit her and was crawling around on her eardrum. There wasn't much we could do. Eventually she couldn't hear it buzzing, but she could feel it. I got a flashlight to check her and the black fly was dead on her eardrum. I couldn't see any way to get it out and she was frantic. We went to the emergency room and of course the doctors thought we were nuts. They used a dental water pic to get it out.
So next time a bug crawls into your ear, just get out the water pic. The bug will be gone and you'll have a really clean ear. If it has laid any eggs in there, they will be washed out too :)
Have a good weekend.

2:35 AM  
Blogger Dina said...

would freak most people out, glad you got it out w/no major injury to your ear.

8:51 AM  
Blogger Joy Nash said...

Don't worry, I've been laughing myself when I tell people about it. Bugs crawling into ears is not something I've ever even thought about before, but now I find out that practically everyone knows or has heard of someone it happened to. Maybe there needs to be a public service information campaign on the hidden dangers of ear-diving bugs!

Happy to report that though my ear felt a little funny for a couple days, it is perfectly fine now.

10:32 AM  
Blogger Pissenlit said...

I'm still thoroughly creeped out. :P

I haven't known anyone who had a bug crawl into their ear but I remember way back when, this girl at camp got a huge horsefly stuck under her eyelid. It flapped around a lot till it pretty much drowned in her tears. She was freaking out the entire time, not that I'd blame her.

1:47 PM  
Blogger Carol L. said...

Oh God Joy, lol lol I'm trying to picture your face as you told DH you needed him NOW. lol lol
Black with pincers eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I can't help it, the thought of an insect anywhere in or on my body puts me in a state of Trauma. Oh god ! Forget mice, oh no, can't go there. I need therapy with that one. lol lol
Men can be so insensitive sometimes, you know . Especially the part of laying eggs.....
On to better things. I hope your weekend is filled with fun and happiness Joy. :)
Carol L.
Lucky4750@aol.com

3:09 PM  
Blogger Kytaira said...

My dad had the same thing happen with some kind of flying bug. They had to go to the emergency room and have it removed with some special long skinny tweezers. I'm glad everything turned out ok!

lynda98662 at yahoo dot com

6:23 PM  
Blogger Suzette said...

OMG!! EWW! Next time you're sitting outside, wear foamy earplugs or something....I would!

6:03 PM  
Blogger PhyllisC said...

The same thing happened to my youngest son. It was not a pretty sight. It was late evening and we ended up at the emergency room. They got his bug out by irrigating the ear. The staff in the ER told us that it was actually very common for things to get stuck in ears. They said that it happens more than you think. Its really very scary.

11:29 PM  

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